Stress is inevitable. It comes and it goes, almost everyday. Too much of it, however, could ail our social life. Chronic stress is not good for the health as well.
Stress can easily walk all over us unless we take action. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to minimize and cope with stress.
Here are 10 ideas for handling stress without causing more strain and hassle.
1. Find out what’s stressing you out. Know the triggers.
Stress is a reaction to a lot of factors, physiological or otherwise. It helps to know what causes your stress. You are definitely stressed out for a reason. Right?
Easier said than done, right? For oftentimes, when we are stressed, the world seems like a big mess and everything seems like stressors! And you see them from every angle!
It’s like playing dodgeball, only this time, you don’t know where the balls are coming from and you just keep ducking and darting in frantic.
It’s defensive. And it’s exhausting.
Instead of feeling like you’re flailing day to day, identify what you’re actually stressed about.
Is it a specific project at work, an upcoming exam, a dispute with your boss, a heap of laundry, a fight with your family?
By getting specific and pinpointing the stressors in your life, you’re one step closer to getting organized and taking action.
2. Forget about things you cannot control and focus on those you can.
The worst thing for stress is trying to take control over uncontrollable things.
And you know why. When you try to control things you cannot, and you inevitably fail — since it’s beyond your control — you only get more stressed out and feel helpless.
So after you’ve thought through what’s stressing you out, identify the stressors that you can control, and determine the best ways to take action.
Can you control traffic? No. Stop whining about traffic and wake up early. You definitely cannot control what your boss does, he does what he does; you cannot control how your officemates behave, too, right? But here’s what we know: You can control how you react. You can control how you spend your money.
Take the example of a work project. If the scope is stressing you out, talk it over with your supervisor or break the project down into stepwise tasks and deadlines.
Stress can be paralyzing. Doing what’s within your power moves you forward and is empowering and invigorating.
3. Do what what thrills you.
Doing the things you love can help you avoid or manage stress. You know it’s so much easier to manage pockets of stress when the rest of your life is filled with activities you love.
Even if your job is stress central, you can find one hobby or two that enrich your world. What are you passionate about? Do you music? Maybe you can learn a new instrument. It’s good for the mental health.
If you’re not sure, experiment with a variety of activities to find something that’s especially meaningful and fulfilling.
4. Manage your time well.
One of the biggest stressors for many people is lack of time. Their to-do list expands, while time flies.
How often have you wished for more hours in the day or heard others lament their lack of time?
But you’ve got more time than you think, as Laura Vanderkam writes in her aptly titled book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.
We all have the same 168 hours, and yet there are plenty of people who are dedicated parents and full-time employees and who get at least seven hours of sleep a night and lead fulfilling lives.
5. Familiarize yourself with the various techniques to combat stress.
One strategy to combat stress might not be enough. It might not work all the time.
For instance, while deep breathing is helpful when you’re stuck in traffic or hanging at home, it might not rescue you during a business meeting. Makes sense, right?
Because stress is complex, “What we need is a toolbox that’s full of techniques that we can fit and choose for the stressor in the present moment,” said Richard Blonna, Ed.D, a nationally certified coach and counselor and author of Stress Less, Live More: How Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Can Help You Live a Busy Yet Balanced Life.
So, figure out what works for you and do each accordingly.
6. Reduce your stack of negotiable tasks.
Review your daily and weekly activities to see what you can pick off your plate. As Vanderkam asks in her book: “Do your kids really love their extracurricular activities, or are they doing them to please you? Are you volunteering for too many causes, and so stealing time from the ones where you could make the most impact? Does your whole department really need to meet once per week or have that daily conference call?”
Blonna suggested asking these questions: “Do [my activities] mesh with my goals and values? Am I doing things that give my life meaning? Am I doing the right amount of things?”
Reducing your stack of negotiable tasks can greatly reduce your stress.
7. Try not to make yourself vulnerable to stress.
Anything can be a stressor. What make things sources of stress depends on your current state of mind and body. What do I mean by this?
Blonna said, ““Each transaction we’re involved in takes place in a very specific context that’s affected by our health, sleep, psychoactive substances, whether we’ve had breakfast [that day] and [whether we’re] physically fit.”
If you are sleep-deprived you are more prone to stress. If you are not getting enough physical activity during the week, you may be leaving yourself extra susceptible to stress, too.
When you’re sleep-deprived, sedentary and filled to the brim with coffee, even the smallest stressors can have a huge impact.
8. Stop pleasing everybody. Set boundaries.
Learn how to say “No”. If you’re a people-pleaser like me, saying no feels like you’re abandoning someone, have become a terrible person or are throwing all civility out the window. But you have to learn how to say “No” and save yourself from unnecessary troubles.
Plus, those few seconds of discomfort are well worth avoiding the stress of taking on an extra activity or doing something that doesn’t contribute value to your life.
9. Realize there’s a difference between worrying and caring.
Sometimes, our mindset can boost stress, so a small issue mushrooms into a pile of problems. We continue worrying, somehow thinking that this is a productive — or at least inevitable — response to stress. But we mistake worry for action.
Clinical psychologist Chad LeJeune, Phd, talks about the idea of worrying versus caring in his book, The Worry Trap: How to Free Yourself from Worry & Anxiety Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. “Worrying is an attempt to exert control over the future by thinking about it,” whereas caring is taking action. “When we are caring for someone or something, we do the things that support or advance the best interests of the person or thing that we care about.”
LeJeune uses the simple example of houseplants. He writes: “If you are away from home for a week, you can worry about your houseplants every single day and still return home to find them brown and wilted. Worrying is not watering.”
Similarly, fretting about your finances does nothing but get you worked up (and likely prevent you from taking action). Caring about your finances, however, means creating a budget, paying bills on time, using coupons and reducing how often you dine out.
Just this small shift in mindset from worrying to caring can help you adjust your reaction to stress. To see this distinction between worrying and caring, LeJeune includes an activity where readers list responses for each one. For example:
Worrying about your health involves…
Caring about your health involves…
Worrying about your career involves…
Caring about your career involves…
10. Forget about perfection. Embrace mistakes!
Another mindset that can exacerbate stress is perfectionism. Trying to be mistake-free and essentially spending your days walking on eggshells is exhausting and anxiety-provoking. Talk about putting pressure on yourself! And as we all know but tend to forget: Perfectionism is impossible and not human, anyway.
As researcher Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth” and it’s not self-improvement.
Nothing good can come from perfectionism. Brown writes: “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life-paralysis [‘all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect’].”
Plus, mistake-mistaking can lead to growth. To overcome perfectionism, Brown suggests becoming more compassionate toward yourself. I couldn’t agree more.
Simpson, K. and Simpson, K. (2016). 4 Tips for Overcoming Stress and Being More Efficient – Idealist Careers. [online] Idealist Careers. Available at: http://idealistcareers.org/4-tips-overcoming-stress-efficient/ [Accessed 15 Jun. 2017].
Institute of Mental Health (2017). Overcoming Stress – Institute of Mental Health. [online] Available at: https://www.imh.com.sg/wellness/page.aspx?id=558 [Accessed 15 Jun. 2017].
Helpguide.org. (2017). Stress Management: Using Self-Help Techniques for Dealing with Stress. [online] Available at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm [Accessed 15 Jun. 2017].
Heidi Grant Halvorson (2017). Nine Strategies Successful People Use to Overcome Stress. [online] Available at: http://lifehacker.com/5976310/nine-strategies-successful-people-use-to-overcome-stress [Accessed 15 Jun. 2017].